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[学习焦点解决取向的1001夜 二十五]向夫妻、家庭成员提出的问句 II
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--- 爱语焦点实践---

1001句焦点问题大批判 第705-776问

高效焦点解决教练 1001问,可以这样问吗?不可以这样问吗?


接上文

例外和资源


718. If the ideal relationship is a 10 and a 0 is the worst relationship you can imagine, where are you together?

如果用10表示你们理想中的关系状况,而0表示你们能想到的最糟糕的关系状况,你们给自己打几分?

719. If 10 = pure cooperation, and 0 = pure conflict, where are you together?

如果10表示纯合作,而0表示纯冲突,你们给自己打几分?

720. How come things aren’t worse?

怎么让事情不变的更糟?

721. Who has contributed to things not being worse than they currently are?

是谁努力让当前的状况不再变的更糟的?


量尺问句给现状打分,重点在后面的两句。我们也常会问,为什么是这个分数而不是更低分?你都做了什么?


726. What would your children say is needed for that to happen?

你们的孩子认为要想让你们的关系变成那样,需要什么必要条件?

729. How might your children be able to help you reach your preferred future?

你们的孩子可能能够如何帮助你们争取你们想要的未来?

731. What have you done together to make things go better this week?

这一周你们两个人共同做了什么努力让事情变得好起来了?

738. What do you know about the other person that gives you hope for improvement?

您对对方的哪些了解能让你们在改善关系上看到希望?

739. What does the other person know about you that gives him or her hope for improvement?

对方对您的哪些了解能让你们在改善关系上看到希望?

751. How might you make this a win-win situation for you both?

你们如何才有可能实现双赢?

752. How have you ended relationship in a positive way in the past, and which of those strategies can you apply again?

过去你们是如何以积极的方式结束关系的?现在你们可以再次应用其中哪个策略?

753. How will your life be different when you’ve been able to end this relationship in a positive way?

你们以积极的方式结束这一关系后,你们的生活与之前相比将有怎样的不同?


在这些问句的询问下,双方过往的优秀品质,孩子曾起到的积极作用,良好的关系下的双赢模式,都会被带到谈话中来,为事情奠定解决方案和资源基础。


754. What price are you willing to pay to make things as hard as possible on the other person?

您愿意付出什么代价来让对方的处境变得遭糕透顶?

755. How much energy do you want to expend on that, and how much energy does that leave you for other-probably more enjoyable things in life?

您想耗费多大的精力来做这件事?您还剩下多大的精力来做生活中其他的——可能更让您愉快的——事情?

756. How long do you want to keep on paying that price?

对于付出这样的代价,您能坚持多长时间?


注意:上面这三个问句有教练背后的假设,大家可以阅读我们的文章《焦点解决高效教练在解决家庭问题时的时间框架(下)》中“02未来”这一段的说明。在家庭关系处理中,问不好的情况可能会带来的后果,是为了让客户认识到,事情如果朝着当下糟糕的情形继续发展会带来什么,引起他的思考,这个后果是否是自己愿意或者可以承受的。进而引发客户对未来的正向期待和当下要改变的行为,朝着他想要的方向进行。


761. And if you were to take two of the things you learned from those parents back with you to try at home with your own children, what would those two things be?

如果让您选择向这些父母们学习两件事,并带回家尝试用在自己的孩子身上。您会选择学哪两件事?

762. How have you as parents solved comparable problems in the past?

在过去您是如何像父母们那样解决类似的问题的?

763. How does the other person (your family) explain the improvement?

其他人(你的家人)是如何解释这种改善的?

764. What tells you that your child is capable of engaging in the desired behavior?

是什么让您知道,您的孩子是有能力从事所期望的行为的?

765. How did you notice that your child responded well to this?

您是怎么注意到您的孩子对此作出了很好的反应的?

767. When do you want members of your family to help you?

您在什么时候希望得到您的家人的帮助?

768. How do members of your family know that you would like them to help you?

您的家人如何才能知道您想得到他们的帮助?

769. When do you want your partner to help you?

您在什么时候希望得到您的伴侣的帮助?

770. How does your partner know that you would like him or her to help you?

您的伴侣如何才能知道您想得到他或她的帮助?

771. How does your progress help your partner or family?

您的成长是如何帮助您的伴侣或家人一起成长的?

772. Who has been the most helpful so far?

迄今为止,谁为您的家庭提供了最大的帮助?

773. What does your partner (family) know about you that gives him or her confidence that you will succeed in ...?

您的伴侣(家人)了解您的哪些品质让他或她有足够的信心相信您在......中将获得成功?


成功的经验不仅仅是来自客户本身,父母的正面榜样,更多关注孩子做到的地方,家人之间的相互帮助,都是最好的资源出处!


必不可少的赋能


730. How will you celebrate with your children when you attain your goal?

你们实现了自己的目标后,要如何跟孩子们一起庆祝?

732. What are you good at together?

你们俩擅长什么?

733. What qualities do you value in the other person?

你们彼此看重对方的什么品质?

735. How can you catch each other doing something for which you could pay each other a compliment?

你们怎么能捕捉到让彼此能够赞赏对方的事情?

757. How can you surprise your partner (child, parent)?

您将如何给您的伴侣(孩子、父母)制造惊喜?

758. Suppose you were to do something subtle to surprise the other person. What might it be?

假设您要做一些微妙的事情来给对方惊喜。那可能是什么?

759. What will you do when you see the other person do that for you?

当您看到对方为您制造惊喜的时候,您会做什么?


家人之间的认可,支持、鼓励是构成良好关系的重要组成元素,给客户机会让他们都说出来,让对方可以听到,满满的能量注入!


小目标之一小步行动


711. What would you do differently in the relationship that you hope to have?

在您希望拥有的关系方面,您会做出什么改变?

712. How would that help the other person?

这对对方有什么帮助?

713. What would the other person do differently in the relationship that you hope to have?

在您希望拥有的关系方面,对方会做出什么改变?

714. How would that help you?

这对您有什么帮助?

715. What would be the first small step you could take to improve the relationship?

您首先会做出什么小的尝试以改善你们之间的关系?

716. What would be the first small step the other person could take to improve the relationship?

对方首先会做出什么小的尝试以改善你们之间的关系?

727. What would your children say the first step could be?

你们的孩子认为第一步要做什么?

766. In the coming weeks, what will all of you do so that things will go (even) better at home?

在未来的几周里,你们所有人将会做什么事情来让家里的事情有所改善(甚至变得更好)?

774. What will your partner (family) do differently when he or she is no longer worried about you?

您的伴侣不再为您担心的时候,他或她(家人)会做出什么不同的举动?

776. What will you do differently together when this is no longer a problem for all of you?

当这个问题对于你们所有人来说都不算是个问题的时候,你们将做出什么不同的举动?


语言是行动的第一步,回归到实际家庭生活中,我们的小目标,做出小的尝试和迈出一小步的行动至关重要,教练一定要把这一步落实好!



在夫妻两人同时接受教练问话的时候,有一个特别大的优势,那就是这个小环境本身已经形成了一个相互作用的情境。两个人的说话,现场让对方听到,是一个有更多助益的共同建构的过程,会对彼此都形成影响和良性循环。


有用的多用!


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